GOING, Going, Gasnier: Gimme my Tazo cash … Players say Big Willie is all talk … Cadel gets gold … Sheffield Shield returns to the crease … Sydney Spirit looking to sign Graham Arnold … ARU discovers not every Wallabies fan can afford a private jet … Premonition "I'm not going to be missed that much. The talent in the game is great and the game is great. It will be fish paper in a couple of days. I don't think people will care too much that I've gone. It's just another guy coming and going." - Mark Gasnier sidestepping hubris. We believe you, Gaz. But we ask one question. If we really should forget about you, as you suggest, why the tears about the dough you're supposedly missing out on? Professional's tip for the weekend How do you shoot a foul shot? Shaquille O'Neal would sure like to know. Well, here's the ultimate lesson from the greatest of all time. You don't even need to open your eyes. Pump "Jordan eyes shut" into YouTube.com. Odd Spot The Mexican football federation has warned clubs to be on their guard after an impersonator tricked journalists and a top club's officials into thinking he was Mexico manager Sven-Goran Eriksson. Englishman Derek Williams was given a tour of Primera Division outfit Universidad Nacional's stadium yesterday morning after sending the club falsified documents. According to Italian newspaper La Gazzetta dello Sport , no one spotted the deception until the federation released a statement later in the day. "[Williams] has carried himself with a total lack of respect," it railed. Universidad manager Ricardo Ferretti said he had been amused. "The fake Eriksson told me that he was watching my players ahead of his next call-ups, and I believed him." - The Guardian Revelations "I never stated I would be going anywhere, ever, and I've always said I would be at the club and I want to play at Carlton for the rest of my career. I just wanted to ring up to stop the media people talking about it. I will be at Carlton next year." Brendan Fevola, ensuring fans feel he actually cares about Carlton before sneaking off to Sydney - or joining his mates at St Kilda - next year. Brother, can you spare a sledge? "Why would you come back into a sport where, in your mind, you are saying that everyone else out there is on drugs. Why would you try it again? It is funny because every time something else comes up about drugs, a lot of the media will go to ask Ben Johnson questions. Why ask Ben Johnson? He can't be trusted. The same thing with Dwain Chambers. Why are you asking Dwain Chambers about drugs in sport? He cannot be trusted. He is going to say what he needs to say to make himself look better. You can get sympathy on your side by saying, 'Hey, the only reason I did it was because … it was only to be successful.' He was not even successful. He never won a major championship. Come on, no one is buying that." - Former US Olympic champion Michael Johnson, who can now keep his shirt on after Chambers lost his High Court appeal yesterday and won't be in Beijing. It's not porn but you'll like it Who doesn't love a good stadium? The daddy of stadium websites is www.worldstadiums.com. Research everything from the 220,000-capacity Velky Strahovsky Stadion to Pyongyang's mighty May Day Stadium and even our own white elephant, Stadium Australia. Get me my cab money Bruce Sessle likes Sleeque (No.3) in race eight at Morphettville. If you're not watching sport, you should be listening to Psychocandy by The Jesus and Mary Chain. Appropriate listening for WYD - a band that got its name from a free religious trinket in a packet of cereal. Sixties-influenced pop tunes collide head-first into a wall of feedback and screeching guitars. Indulge in Just Like Honey , Inside Me and the glorious super fuzz of Never Understand and then purge yourself in a cleansing cold shower with your pope-on-a-rope soap. - Ears McEvoy Get off the couch … No, stay on it, unless you want to be confronted by mobs of colourful sheep and their good shepherd. First, lock the doors, close the curtains. Break out the whisky and some fat cigars, comb through the Brylcreem and invite your buddies over for some debaucherous old-school poker.